An adult child, with a husband and family and a disease that may eventually kill her. She's calling it cancer, I can't say the word very easily. Technically it's not a cancer, but it is closely related to leukemia and myoloma. Might as well be cancer. It's terminal. Stage 3.
I am going through the stages of grief and every day brings a new feeling and a new revelation. I sometimes wonder if I am jaded or toughened by going through losing someone close before. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel like I'm in denial sometimes. Or maybe I'm just trying to keep a strong exterior for my daughter.
It's so hard to see her vulnerable. She has been so independent, always taking care of things herself. Now there are things she just can't do anymore, at least not right now.
Starting in March she'll go to Denver to have tests and her bone marrow harvested for a transplant in April. Then the big bad chemo that will kill her bone marrow and the transplant. I'm so worried for her. There will be someone in town the whole time she's there. If she does will she will be able to leave the hospital but stay in the area. We are looking into renting a house, or apartment for a month.
It's all very scary. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away.
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